Sunday, January 15, 2012


 "Heaven on earth is a choice you must make, not a place we must find." - Wayne Dyer

Hello blog world. I have neglected you again. Sometimes I get distracted by life and things fall by the wayside. I must say, though, life has been rather interesting lately. It's amazing how many choices we have in life that we don't even think about. So why is it when it comes to making serious choices, we often freeze? At least I do. I make so many choices every day, you'd think I was a pro at it by now. There have been many choices placed before me lately that have tested my emotional threshold. Do I continue going to school for a degree that will pretty much be useless? Do I stick it out in a company I've been faithful to for so long just to retain the security, or do I try to find something I can be happy with again? Do I open myself up to the possibility of a wonderful relationship, even with the fear of failure lurking in the back of my mind? For quite some time my choices have always been conservative and safe.The road most traveled and trusted. I think it's time to step outside my comfort zone and start making some riskier choices. Choices that may be more full filling in the long run. I'm not going to lie, the idea kind of scares the crap out of me. I guess I'm going to make some of that proverbial lemonade, I just might need to spike it for a little courage.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Life Lessons

Of all the lessons you have learned in life, what do you feel has been the most important and where did you learn it from?
I have learned so many lessons in my life and all of them have been so important. From my mother I learned to be independent and individualistic. She taught me that family was forever and our love for each other unconditional. She believed in letting me learn my own lessons the hard way, and never said "I told you so" when my heart was broken. Unfortunately she could be very impatient with me and this is a lesson I struggle to overcome every day with my own child. Regardless, she helped me to become a strong, independent woman. From my father I learned to use my words and not my fists, because a fight is never worth it in the end. Nobody really wins. He pushed me to be my best, even when I felt I couldn't give anymore. He always had more faith in me than I did myself. From my grandmother I learned about love and forgiveness. She gave the hugs and kisses and the encouraging words. She showed me how to care for a family with selflessness and grace. She showed me how to turn the other cheek and let bygones be bygones. She taught me that forgiveness always feels better than grudges and regrets. All these important lessons, and so many more, have shaped and defined me as a person. None of them more important than the others.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

My greatest fear

Everybody is afraid of something, whether they admit it or not. Some fears seem ridiculous to others, but it does not make them any less intense for the one who is afraid. I have spent the majority of my life being afraid of something. When I was a child, I was afraid of the dark. Terrified would be more exact. There was a point where nobody in my house slept if I couldn't sleep. I imagined monsters, ghosts and ghouls ready to carry me away. Irrational maybe, but as I became an adult I realized that it wasn't so much the dark that I was afraid of but what was, or was not, in it. It was not knowing that scared the hell out of me. Although I am no longer afraid of the dark, little has changed. I am still afraid of what is ahead of me, and what I do not know. I am afraid of what may or may not happen. Where will I be next year? Next month? Next week? Will I have enough money to put gas in my car? Will my car last another year? Will I be a good enough mother to my son? A positive role model and someone he looks up to? Not knowing the answers to these, and many more questions scares the hell out of me. I want to know that everything is going to be ok.
Unfortunately I was not blessed with the ability to see the future, so I just try to take life one day at a time. I plan what I can and I try to accept what I can't. That sinking feeling never really goes away, but I've gotten better at blocking it out. Or maybe it's the Xanax. Either way, life goes on.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.... You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt